But then that was nothing compared to the real, fundamental contradiction in his character. Those quick alternations of mood, those sudden changes of mind. I'll stop at a drugstore and call Connie to confirm our date for tomorrow night.' (Leopold, Life Plus Ninety-Nine Years) But what's the use of wishing things that are impossible? The thing I've got to do now is be careful to do all the ordinary, normal things just as I've always done them. 'I wish it weren't over with-that there were still time to change my mind. But that's nonsense! Nobody's ever going to suspect me. I'll be able to put all my thought on not making any slips-on staying one jump ahead of the police. 'And now, at least, there aren't any decisions to make. Somehow I never believed that it would happen-that we'd actually go through with it. How on earth could I ever have got involved in this thing? It was horrible-more horrible even than I figured it was going to be. It is as easy for us to justify as an entomologist in impaling a beetle on a pin. Instead, I had a feeling of deep repugnance. For the commission of the crime itself, I had no enthusiasm.
And he wanted to do this-very badly indeed.
I thought so much of the guy that I was willing to do anything-even commit murder-if he wanted it bad enough. My motive, so far as I can be said to have had one, was to please Dick.
Nathan Leopold, in 1958, upon his release from prison.
